Voices
by Citrus Fruit Monster
Summary: Lovino just wanted a normal life with his Spanish boyfriend, Antonio. However, after an accident that will slowly cause little Lovino to lose his hearing, he gets a different story instead. Spain/S.Italy/Romano. Human names used. Rated for later events May change
1. Start

_Italic = Flashback, Memory, etc._

* * *

_**Voices**_

**Chapter 1: Start**

* * *

'Arg! Stop breaking so damn hard, stupid bastard!' I cursed, jerking forward in my seatbelt, causing the coffee in the cup I was about to sip from to escape its container.

…and right onto my face and shirt

Ow ow **ow FUCKING HOT. **

I quickly set the cup down in a cup holder and wiped the searing liquid off my chin and patted my shirt. Antonio sighed in the driver's seat next to me.

'Sorry Lovi, this storm is causing traffic.' He motioned with his hand to the seven cars in front of us, honking their horns, like that would suddenly clear the sky and the roads. Idiots. So maybe I could forgive his clumsy driving. Toni never really was good.

'Still don't have to break so hard, if you keep that up I'll bust a fucking rib!' I made myself comfortable again in my seat. Well, I tried, but my shirt was still warm and wet. Taking advantage of the stillness, I picked up my coffee mug and took a sip, and returned it to its resting place in the holder.

Antonio apologized, 'I'm sorry.', and he didn't try to hide the irritation in his tone. I looked at him from a side-glance (still mad at his horrible breaking) and noticed that he was indeed irritated. We were stuck in the middle of traffic with all these cars honking their horns like it'll actually help.

Why must people be so stupid?

…

Why are we here? Toni and I were at a conference earlier. Before it started the sky was clear and blue and gave no signs of storming, even rain. Afterwards though, heavy clouds formed and the cold temperature caused the rain that poured to feel like freshly melted ice when it hit you. When we started to leave the rain was light. Now, an hour from then, the rain is pouring like people are in the clouds shooting water bullets at the ground. If water could cut skin, then everyone here would have been killed. But now we're stuck in this unbelievably long line of traffic, and the stoplight gave no signs of letting it move soon.

I tilted my head to the side to look out the window at the review mirror attached to my door. Even with the large blobs of rainwater on it, it was easy to see that there were many cars behind us, fifteen at the least. We got lucky being eighth car in line.

'I bet if Feliciano would've left us alone while we were trying to leave, we wouldn't be in this situation!'

'Don't blame Little-Feli.' Going against his harsh tone, Antonio turned to flash me his cheek-to-cheek grins. How could he always be so damned happy? I wanted to pull his lips right off his face. 'I'm actually a little happy that we're stuck here~'

'How the fuck can you be happy?' I asked.

'Cus' I get to spend some alone time with you~' He almost sang.

…

O-oh it's so… s-stupid how he finds the best in even the w-worst moments…

Feeling my cheeks heat up fast, I quickly turned away, pretending that the rain was interesting. 'P-pat attention to the road… f-fucker.'

I honestly think rain is so boring, but wherever Feliciano is, probably in traffic like us, I bet he's watching it like it's doing acrobats while it falls.

I could practically hear Antonio's happiness squeal with how happy it is, and it made my eyebrow twitch. 'Don't worry mi amor, I bet we'll be home soo-'

**Kluck**

…

Um, what the actual fuck?

'What on Earth?' Toni and I said in sync, as we both stared at the source of sound.

Which was a crack in the car's glass. A crack in **my **car's glass.

The crack was new, duh, I would've known if I had a crack in the window-shield before and would've had it repaired. The lines of the crack were collected more in the center (where the object hit, most likely) and spread out around it. What could've hit the car? I was only joking about the whole 'water bullets' thin-

**Bang!**

There it was again, but this time the sound came from the cover above us. There is a small dent in the metal. What the fuck was going on?

In my confusion, I looked to Antonio for hel- advice. Advice. Sadly, he seemed to be distracted with something on the car's hood, he didn't even notice me look at him. My eyes joined in his stare, and that's when I noticed it.

On the hood of ou- my car, a inch or so away from the crack, was a peanut sized piece of hail, a perfect sphere.

…

**NOT IN FUCKING HELL IS IT ACTUALLY HAILING**

'Fuck!' I cursed. Hail is bad. Bad bad motherfucking awful. The crack was one thing, the dent another, but if this hail kept falling my car would have more to repair.

Toni seemed to sense my concern, and patted my back. 'It'll be okay Lovi, I'm sure this traffic will move soon.'. His reinsurance doesn't work…

… n-not like it usually does…

The appearance of hail made the drivers honk their car's horns even more now, and the constant 'Klunk' of hail hitting ou- my car didn't help my growing frustration. If the drivers around were honking to express and relive their frustration too, I understand. I almost want to unbuckle myself and reach other to beat the shit out this car's horn too.

But that would cost to repair, and I already know that the hail made more dents in my car already. So in the end I grunted and folded my arms. I looked out my window at the scattered hail on the road, now varying between peanut and golfball sizes. Great, bigger hail, I needed just that!

…

Sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.

Here's even more, I just LOVE sitting in the car for twenty full minutes, not moving, and the only sounds are the horns and the hail.

Who wouldn't love this? I could spend all day here!

…

I might as well just open my door and walk home, but then again, **it is hailing like nature doesn't give a shit about what we plan to do with the rest of our lives.**

L-like how I was looking forward to arriving home after a s-stressful meeting, light a fire in the fireplace, a-and cud-dle with Toni on the couch…

B-but that's ruined now, I'm too tired to 'cuddle', when I get home I'm going straight to sleep. I don't give a fuck if I'm on the floor or couch or bed, I'm just tired!

…

Speaking of Toni… he's been quite these fast few minutes.

I turn my head ever so slightly, so that he won't notice. Just as I assumed, he's calm, not worried or anxious like I am, just…calm. And I've never understood how he stays so calm under situations where others would be mad or nervous.

In a closer inspection, his jade eyes seem so gentle, and the corners of his lips are turned upwards slightly, making a very small smile but it doesn't seem forced at all. Like his lips just rest like that, always in a smile. I feel warm looking at his calmness, and I feel my joints relax.

This is why I love him…

…

OH SHIT.

…

Actually fuck it, I sai-…thought it, so you know now. And he knows too! So don't think I'm being secretive about my feelings.

…

Once I'm back in reality, Antonio's green eyes are the first thing I see, because they're looking right at me.

He's been looking at me while my heads were 'In the clouds', and I feel my face go red when I realize. 'Is something bothering you, amor?'

Amor, the word makes my head jump, but I break our eye contact to stare at my feet, hoping my face isn't red. 'N-nothing.'

'You look like un poco tomate~'

Well never mind not having a blush. I hate myself for always blushing easily.

'Bastard! I do not!' I snapped, doing everything to keep myself from looking at him and to tone down my blush. I eventually find myself staring at the stop-light again.

Turn green turn green turn green-

As if it read my thoughts, the red light disappeared, and the light below it flashed green.

'There we go~' Antonio chimed, and followed the other drivers and hit the gas. The engine made noises that make it sound thousands of years old.

The sway of the car makes me realize just how tired I have become waiting in the traffic, and I find it hard to keep my eyelids up.

Antonio notices and smiled, 'Tired, Lovi?'

I nod, too exhausted to do anything else. My eyelids stop fluttering and finally rest. When I feel something soft over my head, they shoot open. But it's only Toni's fingers tangling in my hair, and at my realizing that it was just him, I relax into his touch and slowly drift into sleep again.

The ride was peaceful. Toni occasionally made a sharp turn or braked sharply and I would be disturbed from my sleep to be thrown foreword, but stopped by my seatbelt. I tried many times to fall back asleep, but whenever I did, he made another turn to avoid the sharp hail on the road. Finally, I gave up and just decided to stay awake.

'Sorry Lovi, I didn't mean to wake you up, but I don't want to pop our tires too.'. Toni said as he braked (softly, I feel the need to add) at another stoplight, which just turned red when we reached it, like 'Merry Christmas~ Now have a red light!'

I return your absurdly idiotic gift, dumb light.

The hail, which I seemed to forget with my short sleeps and Toni's bad (but careful, he claims) driving, it became around the size of my fist.

Still too tired to yell or express my anger in some physical way, I leaned back into the leather seat, trying to get warmer. The temperatures are colder than they've been in Italy for years, even if it is winter its probably the coldest winter we've had in years. I just want to be home, under some blankets, or even Toni's arms, and I'm too tired to care about what I'm thinking… Thankfully, the light turns green after a minute.

'We'll be home very soon, we're in the town. Hang in there, will you?'

I nod and close my eyes. Not to sleep, but to just rest them.

…

'OH SHIT!'

I jump in surprise and moved to see Antonio, who had made the sudden outburst.

Someone ran a red light, and would eventually hit us if we kept going at this speed. Still, the situation was an easy fix, all he needed to do was speed up and avoid the car or even slow down and the red-runner would drive right past us.

The the world outside my window did a spin…

…

O-oh…

Antonio hit a piece of hail… a-and one of our back tires must of p-popped.

The car was out of our control, we couldn't move forward, slow down, speed up, get anywhere else but where we are, spinning in circles.

We also couldn't get escape the car who had ran the red light, heading straight for us. There w-was n-nothing we could d-d-do.

I didn't even have time to scream before I felt the force of something stronger hit me.

And the world went black.


	2. Realizing

_**Voices**_

**Chapter 2: Realizing**

* * *

The next thing I knew is that I was upside-down. Naturally, I thought 'What the fuck?', but realizing this was a serious situation, I decided to be serious and figure out just what the actual hell happened.

The dashboard was up against my chest, the metal walls of the cars were twisted and tangled as evidence that we were indeed hit by a car, and head-on, nonetheless.

My concern changed to myself. I didn't have any major injuries, though my ear was bleeding and I had bruises here or there, nothing really life threatening. So maybe this wasn't as serious as it seemed, maybe the whole 'The car is upside-down holy shit!' is what made this seem so bad.

Even with the window-shield being cracked like crazy (screw repairs, I'm getting a new car, damn it!) the guy who had hit us had made it out okay. The front of his car was badly dented and cracked and I bet he'd prefer a new car over repairs as well. And just beyond the car, there were red lights flashing…

…

Wait, how? Sirens? They must be, but I can't here a fucking noise…

Now that I mention it, the people who witnessed the collision and were now calling people and helping us out, I couldn't here them too.

My ear is bleeding.

…

O-oh…

I can't hear.

T-this can't be happening, maybe I'm still in shock from the crash and it seems like I'm deaf. Maybe Toni could knock some sense into-

Antonio! I had almost forgotten about him, he was in the crash too, he's in the freaking car. Worried, I turned to my right sharply but a shock of pain from my neck caused my to stop. I opened my mouth to scream out, flexed the mussels in my throat to make noise, but I couldn't hear it…but I'm sure I was screaming.

I-I'm just in shock…that's all.

I reached behind my head to feel what caused the pain. I winced when I touched it; Glass, a shard was stuck in the upper region of my neck, but small enough that I wasn't killed.

Something cold and clammy grabbed my arm, and I almost jumped in surprise. I looked to my right to see Antonio is the one who touched me.

He wasn't too badly injured, the worst thing was the gash on his forehead which caused blood to fall into his hair. Bruises spotted his arms and a rather large one blossomed a brownish-purple color on his cheek. He was wet with sweat and his wild hair made him look deranged. The lack of his usually calmness didn't help me at all. I too was becoming more nervous, but not because he looked like hell…

His mouth was moving, he was speaking and I was sure of it. The lump in his throat moved up and down, proving he was talking to me. I couldn't hear…

I **couldn't **hear

**I **couldn't hear

I couldn't **hear**

S-so I must be deaf. Who has ever h-heard of going deaf over shock? W-what if I never heard Toni t-talk again…I **will **n-never…

Toni must of noticed how shocked and worried I was, because at first he was speaking calmly like he was reassuring that everything would be 'okay' and it went away. Because I never replied, never nodded or made any signs that I understood or… h-heard him because I fucking didn't! Now he's yelling at me, I think, yelling my name? I notice his tongue arch like he's making an 'L' sound. His expression also transferred from smooth to strong and he was shaking me now. Toni noticed something is wrong- wrong with me but he doesn't know what yet.

…

C-can I still speak? Can I try to tell him?

'Ah…'

He stopped everything. Shaking me, yelling and even his expression changed to surprised or something. His mouth moved again to form another word, one I recognized.

What?

Yes! I had spoken. Well just a sound, 'A', but I did make a noise.

Before I could tell him, red lights flashed again in the corner of my eye. The sirens. The ambulances have arrived, I didn't notice.

Toni shook me again to get my attention. He repeated the one worded question. What?

Alright, I'll try to speak, to tell him why I can't respond, why the appearance of the ambulances startled me. I've never spoken without hearing myself before and I'm nervous I'll make a mistake, like I'll tell him 'I like turtles' instead.

No no no, I have to stay focused. I summon up my courage and speak…

'I can't hear anything'


	3. Relief

**O.o.O.o.O.o **= Time/Setting change

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_**Voices**_

**Chapter 3: Relief**

* * *

The events that followed were all a blur, and the blood and hearing loss wasn't much of a help either.

After telling Antonio about…being…d-deaf, doctors and police plunged into our car and separated me and Antonio. The people that had dragged me out tried to have me lay down on a cot and act all calm or something.

I just got in a car crash and turned deaf…

**What is calm?**

No way am I going to lay down on a cot and act like everything will be okay, because I know it's not. I thrashed in their grip to express how much I refuse to lay down. I think I'm yelling too, but I'm not sure I know what I'm saying.

Unfortunately for me, the glass lodged in my neck moved along me, and I cried out again, which caused more people to come and attempt to have me lay down. With more people pushing me down and the pain in my neck it's harder to resist them.

Where did they take Antonio? I call out for him and hope I'm asking the question I want to be saying, _Where is he? Where is Antonio?_

_ …_

Stupid how I forgot I can't hear. Even if Toni was nearby and okay, it's not like I could hear him call out _I'm right here Lovi~_

But the thought only scares me, and I call out more. I don't know if I'm asking for Toni, or for what's happening, or if I'm just screaming.

Everything is bright and red with the sirens from the ambulances and police cars. Everything that is supposed to make noise isn't. Everything is cold and wet and everything seems foreign in a familiar place and I don't like it.

Fortunately, for me, one of the paramedics that was trying to keep me down stuck a syringe into my upper arm and I escape the confusion.

The last thing I remember is the cold rain.

**O.o.O.o.O.o**

I awoke to the morning sun shining directly through the large window on my left.

I wasn't on the street anymore, and it wasn't raining.

I didn't dare lift my head to feel the glass cut more into my flesh, so I examined what I could through moving only my eyes.

White, lots of white. The ceiling, the tile flooring, the doors, the bed I was in. White white white. I couldn't see it from my position in the bed, but I heard machinery, some beeping, footsteps and talking outside the room-

…

I _**heard **_machinery. I _**hear **_beeping. I'm _**hearing**_ footsteps.

But I'm sure that when the car crash happened…I didn't hear. Maybe it was all just a horrible dream? Cautiously, I lifted my head.

No pain. No glass.

I sighed in relief, now I can lift my head without worry. Now that I had better access to looking at the room, I notice an IV connected to my arm, and some bandages on my hand and arms.

A hospital?

The accident wasn't a bad dream then. So what had happened? I relaxed back down on the bed, the confusion just makes the room seem like it's swaying.

_**What the fuck happened?**_

Right as I was down again the door to my room opened and I sat back up. A nurse entered the room holding a clipboard. She smiled to me as she walked over and stood beside me.

"How are you feeling Mr. Vargas?" She asked.

"Confused, more than anything else." I replied honestly.

The nurse nodded. "That's normal. Do you remember last night?"

Memories of metal twisting and soundless sirens flood my mind. "Y-yes." I forced out. Nurse nodded and wrote something on the sheet attached to the clipboard.

"Does anything hurt?" She smiled again, which I'm sure whoever her boss is, forces her to wear it so patients feel relaxed and safe, and for me, annoyed and a little creeped out. In my opinion, hospitals are not happy places. I shook my head, and Nurse marked the paper again before returning her attention to me. "That's all I need to ask, if there anything else I can help you with?"

"I'd like to know what happened.". Instead of an answer, Nurse shook her head and smiled her really creepy and annoying smile.

"Doctor Conti will be with you in a few minutes and he'll explain everything to you." For a second her smile faltered, like she was letting a sliver of pity get through her 'Everything is safe and good' emotional mask. Just as soon as it disappeared, it returned. "In the meantime, you have a visitor."

"I do?" I let my curiosity blurt out, but she ignored me and walked away to exit my room. At the exact moment she opened the door to leave, my visitor bumped into her while bursting into the room, mumbling a quick "Lo siento!"

Antonio.

Nurse shook her head as if she was critiquing Antonio's behavior (and bumping into people isn't really nice, so I can't blame her) and left the room, leaving me alone with Toni. I forced a frown on my face to make it look like I _wasn't _happy to see him here.

He looked normal…or…at least the way he was before. His face was so bright, colorful, and happy that the image of his distressed face last night seemed so faint and unreal. Even though I'm in a hospital and the Nurse practically reminded me of the car accident, my regained hearing and Antonio's happiness also makes the car accident seem like it was only a bad dream. I know now that it isn't, I do, but everything is so…misleading and leading at the same time, and I keep thinking, _Maybe it didn't happen…_

Without saying anything, he quickly pulled me into an embrace, resting his head in the crook of my neck. It all happened so fast that at first I was in too much shock to respond. "Antonio?"

Antonio didn't respond and continued to just **breathe directly on my neck and it is so uncomfortable dammit.**I tried shaking him off, but his hold on me was too tight and stubborn. "Get off me, bastard!" I yelled, and just as I guessed, he didn't do a damn thing. I sighed and awkwardly hugged back. I took the silence as the perfect opportunity to see if he was hurt at all. The clothing wasn't may of hid some wounds, but as far as I could tell, his arms were unmarked, his neck was unmarked (I wonder…did the glass leave a scar on my neck?) his head…

Wait, Toni wasn't just cut and bruised on his limbs…

I cautiously moved some of the hair that rested unnaturally on his forehead. Underneath it were stitches that traced the area the large gash on his forehead once was. That frown I forced became more natural. I lightly traced the line the stitches formed, but Antonio flinched at the contact and pushed himself away from me. He clumsily took a few steps away from my bed and adjusted his hair so it laid awkwardly on his head and covered the mark. We stared at each other in silence before I spoke, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Me?" He pointed to himself, and I rolled my eyes.

"Who else is in the room with us, idiot? Of course I'm talking to you."

Toni shook his head and smiled, _what is with people and smiling in hospitals? _"Noting is wrong with me, amor. I'm just really happy~!"

_What is with happiness and hospitals today? _I folded my arms, "How could you be happy?"

He shook his head again like I was misunderstanding something and sat down on the edge of the bed. "How could you not be happy?"

"I have plenty of reasons, damn you!" As I spoke, I counted on my fingers, "We just got in a car wreak, We're in a hospital, I'm as confused as hell-"

Suddenly I was face-to-face with fabric. Antonio had pulled me into another hug, this time I was against his chest and his chin was on my forehead. "But the miracle that you're hearing, Lovi, doesn't that block out everything else?"

True, I wasn't deaf for long, but when I was I felt pure terror. Terrified for the thought of never hearing Antonio speak again is what scared me the most. This was a miracle, it really was and I never took the time to think about how lucky I am to hear him, because I could be still be deaf, and I could not be hearing him. Tears started making their way down my cheeks and I rubbed my face into Toni's chest to dry up. He pulled his arms tighter around me and kissed the center of my forehead.

The door burst open, and the sudden noise startled both Toni and me that we broke ourselves apart and turned our attention from each other to the door.

There stood a doctor, probably in his fifties, with grey hair and glasses that had so much reflection that I couldn't see his eyes. Even so, I felt him staring at me. "Are you Mr. Vargas?"

"I am." I told him, and he nodded like me having my name was acceptable to him. The doctor turned his head slightly to look at Antonio. "You are…?"

"Antonio Fernández Carriedo." The doctor continued to stare at him, "Lovino's boyfriend."

Doctor Conti gave Antonio and I a strange look before dragging a chair in front of us and sitting down. He cleared his throat and began to speak, "So, Mr. Vargas, I take it you're confused that you can hear?"

I didn't think too much about how I started hearing again, but I was confused. "Yeah."

Dr. Conti nodded again. "When you arrived here, you had a glass shard embedded in the top region of your neck, and very close to your skull where many nerves are. The glass seemed to damage the never that causes hearing, explaining the reason you were deaf." He stopped to pull something out of his pocket. A plastic bag with a bloody piece of glass inside. I shivered at the sight, it wasn't as small as I thought. "We were able to safely remove it, as you see here, and slightly repair the nerve and returned your hearing."

Antonio's hand squeezed mine, and I returned the gesture. A smile forced itself on my face and I didn't try to hide it. I was happy, and soon, the memory of being deaf will just fade away-

"However-" The Doctor began, and my smile fell as I returned my attention to him. "There is a…side-effect to this."

Antonio squeezed my hand again, but harder and painful and not a gently happy one like before and I pulled away from him. "What do you mean by _side-effect_?" He growled. His sudden mood change is scary and I scoot a few inches away.

Dr. Conti, who seems to be unfazed or unaware of Toni's obvious anger continued. "The nerve was only slightly repaired, meaning it wasn't completely fixed.

"What does that mean?" His voice sounded dark and foreign to his usual cheerful, happy attitude. I examined his face. His eyes were a darker shade of green and his stare was so intense he could shoot lasers if he tried harder.

Only now did the Doctor seem hesitant, he adjusted the glasses on his nose and cleared his throat. "It means that over time the nerve will break itself again…and if you can't understand what that means, Mr. Carriedo…

…it means Lovino will slowly lose his hearing over time."

* * *

**A.n: I honestly don't know if this is even a legit way to lose hearing, but this is my story so neyh-heh-heh.**

**Review please? I love them so much~**


	4. Release

_**Voices**_

**Chapter 4: Release**

* * *

Everything was completely still and silent, if not close enough. The ticking of the wall clock has stopped, the doctors and nurses outside sound like they stopped in the middle of their work. Even Antonio was silent.

Doctor Conti's voice echoed in my mind. _"Lovino…lose…hearing…"_And to make his phrase even scarier, he had to add in _"Over time.". _I won't just lose my hearing, but over time, as if my ears were going to go through a long, painful death.

"-gas?" The Doctor's voice pulls be back to the world. The room fills with the noises of the worker's shuffling their feet against the cold tile flooring and the tick of the wall clock, counting away the seconds until this world finally is…noiseless. Antonio was still quiet, however, but I didn't dare look at him.

My throat feels tight and dry, but I manage to croak out the word "Yes?". He nodded and tapped his leg impatiently. "Did you hear what I just said? You look lost."

I took a deep breath and balled my left hand into a fist (since my right was occupied my Antonio's still). I look lost? Obviously! Did he expect me to just…wave off the idea of going deaf? Accept it? Think of it as nothing?

"N-no." I answered through clenched teeth. He kept staring at me, expecting me to apologize. Bullshit, I won't be sorry for being shocked over losing my _goddamn hearing. _

He sighed, "It is estimated that you will be totally deaf in a year. Expect that over that time sounds will become fainter to hear." His eyes moved from me to Antonio, "Mr. Carriedo, to keep tract of his hearing loss, it would be recommended for him to visit me every three months or so for a check-up." I didn't hear Antonio's reply, but since Dr. Conti nodded, I assume Antonio replied by nodding too. "Once the nurse replaces his bandages, he is free to go home. And you, Mr. Carriedo, have to have your stitches removed before you can leave either.". On queue, a nurse, different from the one who had treated me earlier, opened the door and motioned for Antonio to come with. He did, letting go of my hand and leaving the room with her. Not once did he look back at me. "You're nurse will come in a minute, stay here." Doctor Conti told me, before leaving me alone in the room.

Why didn't Toni look back? When something usually goes wrong, and I'm pretty sure that my loss of hearing is wrong, he would comfort me and tell me that everything will be okay. Instead, he's quiet and doesn't even look at me. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the bed. _Does he not want to love somebody like me anymore? Does he not want to deal with me not hearing? _It would make sense, he'll have to learn sign-language to speak to me, he'll have to get my attention instead of just calling my name out from two rooms away (like he always does). He'll have to go through so many changes just for me, and I bet he doesn't want to go through with it.

The door opened and the nurse from before enters the room. Instead of her clipboard, she was carrying a tray with some bandages and bottles of …stuff. She smiled (_everyone stop being happy and suffer with me_) and placed the tray on the small table beside my bed. "I'm only going to remove your current bandages, clean them up with this," she motioned to the bottle of cleaning stuff, "and put some clean bandages on. Then in the morning, you can remove them." I nodded and sat up. She grabbed my arm and started cutting the bandages off.

Might as well take the time to get-to-know my nurse, since she'll be helping me throughout the year. She is tall a woman with short and wavy blond hair which is held back with a green ribbon instead of a hair net. Her eyes are almond colored. I look back down at my lap.

"So," she clears her throat and I look up. Obviously she found the quietness a little awkward. "What did Doctor Conti have to tell you?"

"Um…I-I'll lose my hearing." Wow that sounded a little more awkward then I supposed it would. But how else would you tell someone that? She is starring at me wide-eyed.

"S-sorry I had no idea tha-"

"No no, it's fine. It really is." Scratch the back of my hand, this conversation hasn't made anything any less awkward. She starts snipping away and my bandages again. "What's your name?"

"Bella." The top layer of bandages falls to the floor.

In a desperate attempt to rid the still-lingering awkwardness in the room, I continue, "How long have you been working here?"

"I think it has been…six months now? I moved here from Belgium a year ago to find better work." She sighed sadly, "My older brother moved to the Netherlands and my younger sister to Luxembourg."

"Sorry to hear about that."

Bella shoots me a reassuring smile before returning her attention to the bandages. "It's okay. We keep in touch with letters since my brother doesn't have e-mail yet. It is a real inconvenience. Do you have any siblings, Mr. Vargas?"

"Younger brother, just by two years. His name is Feliciano."

"Have you told him about…uh…_you _yet?" She asked as the second layer falls off. Why has it only just occurred to me that I haven't called him yet? Then again, I never got a chance. I wonder, does he even know I'm in a hospital, was in a car crash? Shit, it is going to be a pain in the ass to explain it to him without having me sound awkward and him freaking out. Maybe I'll tell him in a few days.

"I never had the time to call." I explain, "He's been in Germany for weeks visiting his boyfriend."

"That's sweet of him~." Bella chimed.

"Not really, I don't like him. He's big and scary looking and his accent is stupid." Though, in all truth, I just don't want him to hurt Feli. When he was younger, a close friend of his passed away and I had never seen him so sad.

"I'm sure he isn't all that bad." I decide to ignore her comment as the final layer of bandage is removed. I stare at my bare arm. I have cuts and bruises, some dried blood, thankfully nothing that looks like it'll scar. Bella reached over to grab the bottle-of-cleaning-stuff and pours it onto a washcloth. I pull away as she brings it closer. "Don't worry, it won't hurt at all.". I relax and let her clean my arm.

The reminder of the time we were quiet. Bella finished cleaning and recovering both of my arms. I thanked her and she left the room with a smile. I was alone for only a minute before she returned again with my clothes (which were now clean) and told me that once I was finished dressing that I was to meet up with Antonio in the lobby and leave. I did just that.

Bella guided me to the lobby, which was just like the rest of the building, white, clean, and busy. Just as I was told, Antonio was sitting down in a chair waiting. Bella waved me goodbye and I walked over to him. "So, should we head home?"

"Yeah, we should go home." He stood up and offered me his hand, which I took. I was hopeful, since he spoke to me, that everything would return to normal. That was not the case. He called us a taxi, and the only thing he said during the entire drive was our address.

We were home around six, Toni said he would fix us dinner and left for the kitchen. After an hour Toni called me in for dinner, we ate without any words and finished around eight. The following hour we spent doing pointless things, like reading or watching television.

I yawned, putting my book down. The clock read 10:12, and even though I'm not usually so tired around that time, with today's events and all, I was exhausted. I dragged myself to the bedroom Antonio and I shared. He was already asleep when I entered the room. I stripped to my boxers and brushed my teeth before slipping underneath the covers next to him.

"I want you to be here for me…" I whispered before I too, fell asleep.

* * *

**A/n: I swear I won't end every chapter with an Author's Note.**

**Bella = Belgium. I hope that was obvious enough. Sorry for late update, and I have no excuses either, sorry! Laziness gets to the best of me sometimes.**

**Drop a review?**


	5. Misunderstandings

_**Voices**_

**Chapter 5: Misunderstandings**

* * *

The morning sunlight streamed through the bedroom window, the curtains pushed away from the other – they were rarely ever closed. Leaving them open in the mornings brought in the sunlight, at night the moonlight and the stars, even during storms the curtains were open. The sight and sound of rain hitting the window and the tomato plants outside was always calming.

Today's sunrise wasn't any different from another. The same sun, rising in the same place day after day, so why would today be any different?

I'll tell you why, because now that I'm destined to lose my hearing, I can't wake up to the sun and think "Another day", I think, "I'm even closer than I am than yesterday to losing my hearing."

"Fucking Sun…" I mumble as I sit up, yawn, and stretch like any other morning.

Ou- My bedroom (which was also occupied by Antonio but it was _still my room go__ddamnit_) wasn't much. There was more empty space in the room than furniture. The only furniture was the double bed (right in the middle of the room, its headrest against the back wall), one dresser (large enough to contain both our clothes), bedside tables on each side of the bed, and a soft armchair in the corner.

The house was new, so we hadn't decorated it much. The walls of the room were still white, and the carpet a beige color. The walls were plain except for the two doors, one for exiting/entering the bedroom and the other to the bathroom, and the large window on the left, overlooking Antonio's garden.

My favorite thing about the room was in the mornings, just like this one, when the sunlight was aimed perfectly through the glass, giving the room a gold-brown tint. The walls became a bright tan color, the carpet a medium brown. This was what the room was like when Antonio and I first looked at it. This was the reason we decided to buy it, who wouldn't want to wake up to this every morning?

Even then, there was something better than the room bursting to life with color.

I look down at my right. Antonio is still sleeping, on his side, his face half-buried in the pillow and facing me. His mouth turns upward slightly and he mumbled "tomatoes" before his face rests again. Somehow, I resist the urge to get back underneath the blanket and snuggle up to him and rest my pillow against the board and relax on it, letting the sunlight past me and onto his face.

His features explode with light that if the sun shined any more he would have a border of pure sunlight around his frame. His hair turns from a normal brown to golden, and his already perfectly-tan skin become darker and much more sexier.

My mouth frowns when I notice his weirdly-parted hair. Well, weird for him anyway. I brush it back to its original way, again, revealing the scar. Even with the stitches removed it still looked… _ugly. _The flesh around it was swollen and tinted red, the sunlight made it look bloody.

_Bloody_

_The car crash._

No, no, I won't think about it, not now. This morning is still a good morning and I won't let an event that has pasted fuck it up. Just a…l-little event, it's over now though. Over.

I place his bangs over the mark again and got out of the bed, shivering when the cold temperature of the room touched my bare skin. Without any time to waste, I clothed myself in a simple navy T-shirt with the name of some band and a pair of jeans. I left my shoes alone, I don't walk around wearing shoes in my house.

I quietly open the door to the room and open it just enough for me to fit through. It squeaked as I was closing it behind me and I went stiff and looked at Toni. He turned in the bed and fell still again. I closed the door.

Another thing about the house. It was cheap, the only reason we bought it was because it had a large yard, the _magical bedroom oh-la-la, _and it was below our price range. It was only furnished with necessary items and cheap entertainment. The bedroom door exits out to the living room/kitchen, white walls, wood flooring with a stained couch and a cheap television which didn't have enough channels for my liking, and a bookcase with only ten books in it, or something around that amount. In the left the wood flooring changed to tile, the kitchen. Just like the living room it was attached to, it was only filled with the basics. A refrigerator, stove, microwave, oven, an island counter in the middle to prepare meals on, sink, cabinets, and a square table. It wasn't as spacious as the living room, though.

What still annoys me is the sink. It is the cheapest piece of shit in the house, it never turns off, every minute a drop of water falls from its facet and it drives me insane. Antonio doesn't seem to care, but once I get enough money, that sink is the first to get replaced.

Minor details; there's a hallway just off of the living room, leads to a laundry room with leads to the one-car garage. Off of the right wall in the hallway is a guest bedroom and across that is another bathroom. On the wall against the front door is a coat rack. Yep, that's our house. Not much to look at.

_Breakfast. _Right, Antonio is never awake before me, so I'm usually the one to cook breakfast. I run my hand through my hair. Do I really have to…cook though? I'm not in the mood to actually think this morning. Maybe I could just have cereal and milk? It's simple, and requires close to no thinking to make. What about Antonio?

"Gah…" I groan and cover my face. _Antonio. _The silent memories from the hospital room and taxi drive return. _Does he even care about me anymore?_

He can make his own damn breakfast, see if I care!

I pull out a box of cereal out of the pantry and walk across to the fridge. Right as I open the door, a…how do I describe it…buzzing sound came. Confused, I pulled out the milk carton and looked around the room as I closed the fridge door. Had a bug gotten into our house? A bee? I fucking hate bees…

Can't find it, but it sounds like it is right _here, _as in next to my ear. Every time I turn around it's gone. _Little fucker, I'll deal with you afterwards. _

I'll get rid of it after I eat, it's probably hiding from me because I'm just so _badass._

Continuing on with my activities, I sat down at the table with my _five-star meal _and a spoon. I ate without thinking about it, my mind was wondering about Antonio. How were we going to adjust? Toni is horrible at getting used to changes, he was getting lost in the new house and was continuously looking for a room in the wrong part of the house. How on Earth could he possibly get used to me becoming deaf? He's already i-ignoring me. I know he doesn't w-want to go though the changes to try and stay with me…i-it would be easier for him to l-leave. He knows it too.

My bowl is empty aside from the access milk. I pick it up and head towards the sink (no dishwasher because cheap house is cheap). I read the digital clock on the oven as I pasted it, ten twenty-two, Antonio should wake up soon.

…and he does, three minutes later. The bedroom door creeks open and the spaniard enters the room. His eyes meet mine the second he closed the door. We stare at each other in silence for awhile, but he breaks it off. "Good morning, Lovino."

" 'orning." I respond, inwardly wincing at how awkward it sounded. I look down at the sink and turn on the water and start washing my dishes underneath. Antonio walks into the kitchen and looks around.

"I take it you prepared cereal today?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to cook." I pause to dry, "You could heat up toast or something."

He nods and heads off for the fridge. The quietness is…nerving. Usually Toni is talkative and cheerful and so goddamn annoying in the mornings. Today he is speaking in short sentences and softly like my ears could break if he was any louder.

I finish cleaning the bowl and I put it away in the cabinet it belongs too. Antonio is sitting at the table eating toast. "Um…are you going to tend to the…uh…tomatoes today?"

He looks up, jelly and crumbs surrounding his mouth and he slowly chews the piece of bread in his mouth. I almost laugh at how ridiculous he looks. He nods, "Oh, I-I'll help you harvest them. Goes faster if two people do it. I want to eat a fresh tomato." He smiles and nods again as he returns to his abandoned breakfast. I leave him to finish and return to the bedroom.

I have to sort things out between us today. If he wants to leave I need to know now, if he wants to stay I need to know too. Perhaps some time out in the field will give us time to talk? I pull out a gardening apron from a drawer in the dresser, I never imagined talking to Antonio could feel so weird. He has always been the one to start and carry on a conversation. Now I'm struggling to talk to him.

I tie the apron around my neck and waist and meet Toni outside (he dressed in gardening clothes in the morning, he checks the garden every morning). He half-heartedly smiles at me as I walk outside and gives his attention back to the tomato plant because it is obviously _more important than me now._

Even though it has never been able to hear. Hypocrite.

I kneel in front of a ready-to-harvest plant across Antonio. We don't look at each other as we pull the fruit off of the plant we were tending to. I pluck the last tomato off the plant, instead of putting it in the basket filled with the others, I stare.

_"You're really slow at this."_

_ "Shut up! I'm just being more careful with them than you."_

_ "Haha, is that so?"_

_ "Of course! I'm a fucking perfectionist when it comes to harvesting. Mine will taste better than yours!"_

_ "Then I'll use yours in the soup tonight. Don't disappoint me!"_

We used to be so talkative whenever we were doing this. Just two days ago we were complaining about the cold weather and how the temperature would kill the garden. He was just being paranoid, as usual, the garden is fine.

"Lovino?"

I feel a rough hand on my back and I turn. Antonio is beside me, looking at me with concern. "Are you okay? You're crying."

_Crying? _I give him a confused look, but he just touches my cheek and shows me his hand, now wet. When have I been crying? Damn it, I'm trying to look brave in front of him, crying won't help.

"Damn, I must of got…dirt in my eyes. Don't worry about me!" I tell him and turn away, placing the tomato in the basket. I wipe my eyes furiously. Don't cry. I pick up the basket and stand, "I'll put these inside."

"Wait Lovino, I need to talk you…" I hear him stand up behind me. _Please don't tell me what I think you'll tell me._

"I'm just putting this away that's all." I try to keep my voice calm as I walk away from him. I hear his footsteps behind me. "Then I'll take a shower."

"I need to tell you something though, it's important…" His palm grabs my shoulder and I take a deep breath. _You knew this was coming. Act calm Lovino, calm down._

Hesitantly, I turn around to face him. He looks worried, panicked even, not was I was expecting. Tears are formed in the corner of his eyes and they look heavy enough to fall any moment. "You…" He looks down nervously, "…don't hate me, do you?"

His question is not at all what I expected and it makes me twist my face into an expression that's between, "That was weird, but funny at the same time." and "Wait, what, I'm confused." and relieved. Apparently my reaction throws him off too. Antonio raises his eyebrows. "But-… I don't hate you, why would I hate you?"

Antonio relaxes slightly, "Because…this is all my fault."

_This? _What does he mean by "this"? I don't remember him doing anythi-

Wait…could he mean the car crash by "this"? My face relaxes in realization, he thinks I hate him because he blames himself for the crash. He blames himself for me losing my hearing. That's why he has been avoiding me, and why he got all quiet after he learned what would happen to me. I have to keep back my smile. "It wasn't your fault, bastard, it was the hail."

He shakes his head, "But if I had been more careful…"

"It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

He stares at me like I'm lying, "Then why does it seem you're avoiding me?"

He actually doesn't think I've been avoiding him too, does he? Then again, I had been feeling unwelcomed when I was around him, only because I had thought he'd hated me too, and that's why I tried to stay away. Does he feel the same way? _Ironic. _"No, I thought that you didn't want anything to do with me."

Now it was Toni's turn to make the weird expression. "That's crazy, I could never think that way about you!"

"You want to stay with me? Seriously?"

His expression darkens, _but your previous expression was kind of funny Antonio, make it again. _"You really believed I'd leave you? Why would you ever consider that?"

I look down, "Have you even thought about what you'll have to do for me now?" My throat feels tight again, "You'll have to learn sign language and adapt to me not…r-responding if you aren't in view and-"

I'm cut off by a strong body wrapping itself around me. Antonio's hug has caused my basket to fall out of my arms and in front of my feet. "I can do all that."

The tears that I've keep in for so long spill out on my face and I hide my face in Antonio's neck. I return his hug. "Idiot…you made me drop the tomatoes."

He laughs, his mouth next to my ear and it rings like a song in my head. "Not too much of a perfectionist holding the basket, are we?"

I can't help but smile. "We can just use your harvest-"

"For dinner tonight." He completes my sentence. "Tomato soup?"

I nod and break myself from him. "I'll help you cook then."

* * *

**TBC**


	6. Problems

_T-this is so late…don't hurt me…_

* * *

_**Voices**_

**Chapter 5: Problems**

* * *

Dinner was satisfying, as satisfying a meal can be when cooked with soggy, bruised tomatoes (as a result of the storm yesterday, we didn't realize their poor condition until after we starting cooking). Antonio didn't care to much about the quality of the food, he was busy talking about what's going to happen to us.

_ "Maybe there's some insurance company you can sign up with before it's too late?"_

_ "Shut up and let me eat."_

_ "Ignoring your condition isn't going help you, Lovino. You know that."_

_ "Let. Me. Eat."_

That's all he talked about. Insurance, taking up classes to learn sign-language, taking up classes to read lips, anything about 'helping' me. They weren't bad ideas, they were great ones in fact. I just don't want to…think about everything yet. Take a break and relax until _Me _is more comfortable to talk about. You think overnight is enough for me to take in and accept the fact that I'll never be able to hear in a year? No, it isn't that easy. I don't see how it can be like that for anyone, or how anyone expects me to do that.

I throw my head back and run a hand through my hair. The only sounds in the house is the television show I was pretending to pay attention to earlier, the sound of running water from Antonio's shower, and the bee that is still hiding somewhere in the house. I'm surprised Antonio didn't even make notice of it. It's buzzing carried on throughout the entire day. If he did notice it, he made one hell of a job looking like he didn't. I tried to give a hint to Toni that there was a bug in the house by looking around for it, but he just starred at me like I'm insane and asked _Are you okay, Lovi?_

So after we ate and Antonio left to shower I turned on the T.V to try and force myself to forget and ignore the bee. It didn't work, not even with the added help of the shower water. The bug is somewhere near.

"…fucking hell." I muttered as I lift my head up and survey the area once again. No sign of the bee. This little fucker better be gone before tonight because if it isn't I probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

Maybe thinking will distract me from the bee. Let's see, there's still the situation of informing my brother. Maybe I could call him? No, he'd try and call be back all day long and leave five-hundred voice messages. That'd be unpleasant. Invite him over for dinner and then tell him? That doesn't sound any better, he'll never leave and just wail and wail about being concerned and whatnot. I don't need that. Email him, text him? Those are unthinkable options, and they're a little cruel.

_ Work! _How did that not come to my mind earlier? They'll fire me the instant they hear about my condition. I don't know if another job will accept me.

I work for the newspaper company in Rome, their newspapers are shipped nationwide, so it's a big deal. The night we got in the crash was the day they called for a conference and even though Toni doesn't work there, he came to get an understanding of what I'll be doing for the company since I was new there. My position? I write articles. I don't have anything specific, they just give me a topic to write about and then _bam, _I write. At least, that's what my boss they told me at the conference. Apparently I'm going to be an author for one of the popular articles, that'll pay a lot.

As for Antonio, he's following his family tradition in growing and selling tomatoes, thus the tomato garden out back. It's his main thing, I guess I took it up as a hobby.

Then my little brother, Feliciano. He moved to Germany two years ago to be with his _smelly-potato-boyfriend, _Ludwig_. _Last I heard he's working with Ludwig in some small business, along with his boyfriend's older brother, who I've only met once and not really wanting to meet again.

"Lovino?" Antonio's voice broke my thoughts and the buzzing that I'd forgotten returned and I groan.

"What." I grumble, sitting up and turning off the television and looking at him. He is already dressed in his pajamas.

"Someone's grumpy." he teased as he walked over. "What's up?"

"Nothing." I pause, "Actually, it's that bee that is somewhere in the house."

He looks bamboozled, "A bee?"

"Yes!" I through my hands out in frustration, "A bee, can't you hear the buzzing? It's been going on all day!"

"Not at all." He looks around. "All I hear is the sink."

"Yeah that's been on my nerves too, but I'm almost used to it. Are you sure you can't hear the bee?"

"Positive." He returns his attention to me, his expression, surprisingly, is concerned.

"Never mind, I'll deal with it myself." I stand up and walk away towards the laundry room (where we keep the fly-swatter) and Antonio follows me close behind.

"Wait listen-"

"You need to listen for that goddamn bug, it's driving me nuts."

I reach out to open the laundry door, but Antonio grabs my hand and stops me. I turn my head around and open my mouth to complain but he puts his hand over me. "Maybe it's Tinnitus."

Tinnitus? I shove his hand off my face. "The fuck is that?"

He pauses, uncertain of what to say. "I-I read that it is the ringing in your ear when ear cells are damaged…or…something."

Ringing in my ears? Now that he mentions it, the sound is more like a ring than a buzz. But that's only possible when my ear is dama- "Oh."

"You see?" he lets go of my hand and it flops down to my side. "I think there's a medication for it, and some things you can do to reduce the symptoms without taking medication." He smiles. "No bug! So it's okay."

I scoff. "It's okay, it's okay that it's not a bug and it's just the first symptom towards me going deaf." He frowns and mouths 'Oh'. I ball my fists and walk off.

He broke that too me like it's so simple. Is he going to be like that doctor, expecting me to accept this? I feels tears form on my eyes. I need him to…to… to _understand!_

Apparently he was following me (again), he grabs my wrist and forces me to face him. I cover my eyes with my free arm, "What."

"Lovino you're acting like a child!" He pauses, "Put your arm down."

Hesitantly, I put my arm back to my side and sniffle, still not making eye contact with him. "You don't know how hard this is." I tell him.

"I know but we can make it easier." He massages my shoulders. I wasn't even aware I was tense, and I relax under his touch. "They're treatments that can help you copy with it-"

"Don't you understand!" I hiss and slap his hands off. "I don't want things to _change _okay? I want things to be normal! And I need you to understand that this isn't easy, it never will be! I can't just…" I take a deep breath. "You can't expect me to ever get used to this."

He's silent for a long time and I look up to see why. He's jus starring at me. "Things can't be normal again. I'm not expecting you to cope with what will happen, but I do expect you to accept that things will have to change."

He has a point, if I don't take action, this Tinnitus-shit will just get worse, and I won't be able to understand anyone without sign-language or reading lips. "F-fine."

"I'm trying not to treat you like a child through this, but if you act like one I won't be given a choice, Lovi." He leans in and quickly pecks my cheek, and I suddenly feel warm.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He smiles, his tone back to it's usually cheeriness. "Maybe we can look up some stuff online and maybe call Doctor Conti about ordering some medication. Hm?"

"Do we have to talk to Conti?" I make a ugly face and he returns it too me. I almost laugh.

"As much as I hate to." He shrugs, "Hopefully he's nicer over phone."

"Probably not."

"_Hopefully." _He repeats, "But to save us trouble we can to it last."

**TBC**

* * *

_/awkwardly ends chapter again. Hopefully I'll get better at it?_

_Anyway, super sorry this is late! School is taking over my life, and I need to research the topic of "Hearing Loss" because my hearing is flawless so I have no idea. Maybe you guys can leave helpful hints?_


	7. Attention!

As you see, this** isn't an update.**

I am extremely sorry for my delay in updating my stories. When I say school has taken over almost all my free time, it has. I currently have two projects due soon, testes to study for, and back-to-back speeches in my communication class.

As a result. I unfortunately announce that I'll be on **Hiatus**. How long? Until the projects are done, unless I get another one soon after, then I'll try and update as soon as I possibly can!

Another result is Writer's block (though I have few ideas, more would be better). Perhaps you guys can help me out?

**_I am not abandoning my fanfictions_**, but the next update for them will take an…undetermined time. Sorry for the delay and/or worry or frustration.

Thank you for your patience,

Citrus Fruit Monster


	8. Attention 2 (Please Read!)

I really hate to post another of these.

I have been working hard on these stories, or, as hard as my computer will let me. I have the first edition Macbook, and its age is finally catching up to itself, causing my computer to do unusual things like:

1. Selecting and dragging on its own (without me clicking or controlling the mouse)

2. Ejecting an inserted CD when I start up the PC (doesn't effect writing, still weird as heck)

3. Selecting and deleting words, sentences, paragraphs, and a whole document on its own (without me controlling it)

4. Selecting and not un-selecting.

5. Not letting me click

6. Not letting me log off (unless I force it)

7. mouse curser lags, and doesn't stay with my movements.

All of these seem like problems with my mouse, **but I've replaced it, and I still have these issues.**

My dad offered to get me a MacBook Pro for Christmas. Unless my computer allows me to type for sometime without any problems, updating may take longer than expected.

Yes, these problems occurred even before my first Hiatus, but they have become more common and happening more often than before.

Sorry so much, please be patient!

Thanks~


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